Dying was not on my “To Do” List for today

I was going to blog about the Rita/GH ceremony last night, but before I do that, I feel the need to relate my near-death experience.

I boarded my plane from Atlanta on the way to D.C. and the pilot informed us that there was computer error and that they would need to reboot, power down the plane, and start it again. No big deal. So they do that. Then again. Then a third time. A mechanic boards the plane, and we start to get a little nervous.

I called my husband, the aerospace engineer and asked, “Um, honey, is it a bad thing if there are electrical problems on a plane?” His reply? “It depends. They can fly without it, if needed.” So I didn’t worry too much.

After that, we taxied to the runway and began that lovely sensation of going high speed while the plane tries to take off. Then the pilot hits the brakes. I get the feeling that this is not a good thing. I’m shaking my head, ’cause I KNOW this plane is not getting off the ground. The pilot explains that there was an engine light that came on.

By this time, of course, I am looking for the nearest exit. We get back to the terminal and the mechanic boards again. After 2 hours of waiting, much discussion, peering at the airplane, they determine that again, it’s a faulty electrical thing. I go forward and offer to get off the plane and take a different flight to another D.C. airport. A man tells me that due to FAA regulations, I have to stay on the plane. Many thoughts crossed my mind, along with the question of whether I could tackle the man and take him down if needed. Of course, I am convinced at this point that this plane will never leave the ground and the man did say that he was rebooking our flights. I relaxed and sat down.

Then the plane began to back up a few minutes later. I’m thinking, “Um…I really hope it was still an electrical thing. Flashing lights I can deal with. Engine problems? Not so much.”

But this time we actually take off. So far, so good. We cruise for about an hour at 30,000 feet. I take a little nap, thinking, what a nightmare. Then I hear a huge noise and oxygen masks fall from the ceiling.:confused2:

Okay, you put it together. Engine problems…oxygen masks….yeah, definitely not good. I’m kicking myself for not doing a huge Hasan Chop on the FAA man who wanted to keep me on the plane. If this man makes me die in a fiery plane crash, I am definitely haunting him.

But this was truly frightening. The pilot came on the intercom and said, “Flight Crew, prepare the cabin.”

Prepare for what? Our fiery death? Plane crash? Then the flight attendant (carrying her own oxygen) comes barreling down the aisle, slamming trays upright and telling people to put their seats up. I felt the sudden urge to study the plane crash guidelines. Let’s just say, we suddenly became a very religious flight. We were also wishing we’d taken the stewardess up on her in-flight wine offer. Along with a side cocktail of mild narcotics would’ve been good.

The plane is descending, and no one is telling us anything. The lady behind me keeps screaming, “Is the plane crashing? Are we crashing??” and the stewardess doesn’t answer her. I’m thinking that we might have dropped an engine somewhere over South Carolina and I’m wondering why planes aren’t equipped with parachutes for every passenger. But on the bright side, I do hear engines. But we’re still descending. I’m thinking an emergency landing in North Carolina may be in our future.

At last the pilot comes on. “It’s been a really bad day,” he says.

I think the man needs a lesson in How to Reassure Passengers Who are Convinced They are About To Die.

But he continues to say that we’ve experienced a loss in cabin pressure, everything’s okay, and we’re going to land immediately. I’m remembering my husband’s discussion on how planes tend to crash upon take off or landing. Landing is a bit scary.

Thankfully, we did land safely, and there was great applause in the cabins. As we taxied our way to the terminal, we were greeted by every emergency vehicle on the planet. I still wonder if we left an engine in South Carolina, because they were prepared for a crash landing. So that was my exciting day. I will post more positive Rita experiences tomorrow after I’ve enjoyed my nice little cocktail of valium, chocolate, and red wine.