Pass the Silver Bucket
Okay, you can pass the silver bucket now (for those of you who don’t know, once you start the waiting game again, you chain yourself to a bucket because it’s so nerve-wracking you want to hurl). I e-mailed the book to England. Normally I kiss my submissions goodbye before I send them off, but I was slightly afraid of electrocuting myself. Don’t worry, I blew it a kiss instead. 
Now everyone has to send good karma thoughts across the water.
Last night was one of those nights when I wanted to resign motherhood. 
Those of you without children, this is one of those times when you can be thankful. Let’s just say that it involved cloth training pants (because my daughter’s diaper rash looked UGLY), digestive issues, and a huge wonkin’ bottle of Spot Shot. I actually did something I’ve never done before. I hauled her Royal Stinkiness into the bathroom and hosed her down under the bathtub faucet. She howled. For the record, she deserved it after destroying her room. I believe my words were akin to @#$% gross! $@#$% yuck! @#$@#% NASTY! 
I did not rinse off the training pants and later throw them in the laundry. I tossed them in the trash because honey, it AIN’T worth it. Ick! It was tempting to set them on fire to disinfect, but I decided that might be a bit drastic.
She, of course, stared at me with confusion. I could read her thoughts. “But Mommy, isn’t this your lot in life?” 
Not if I can help it. 
This is the downside of toilet training. It’s messy business and it takes time and patience. It’s very hard to have patience when you’re sitting next to the carpet with a can of Spot Shot and a roll of paper towels. THIS is the part they don’t tell you about when you’re cuddling that wrinkly widdle fuzzy baby with the big eyes and the soft curving smile that melts your heart into a thousand pieces. If they weren’t cute, I swear, they wouldn’t be alive.
However, if anyone is interested in a seventeen-month-old baby girl up for auction on Ebay, I’ll sell her to you. 
Best offer? Buy it now? 
Michelle posted in Writing @ 6:47 am | Viewed 860 times
Bonnie Ferguson Says:
Michelle,
for you.
I’m sending good karma thoughts across the water and I hope the wait isn’t too nerve wracking
Leanna Ellis Says:
Hope you get good news soon on your submission. Just think of potty training as a good distraction from worrying about some editor reading your manuscript!
But believe me, I’ve been there and done that, more than I ever wanted to! I even hosed my son off outside once. And the good news is: Spot Shot works!
Kelly Says:
Ah yes, it’s stories like those that make me glad I opted for the no kids route to life.
Good luck with the submission - I’ll send some good vibes your way!
Caro Says:
Yup, this is one of the moments I’m glad I don’t have kids because I don’t know if I would have the intestinal fortitude to deal with the, er, joys of toilet training. I have enough troubles when my cat urps?
Good luck on the submissions — I just sent my first electronic submission off a month ago and it doesn’t feel quite the same, does it?
Peggy Says:
Good luck, Michelle!
I bought my son his potty the other day…he’s turning two tomorrow and thought I’d get a head start. Though he doesn’t look interested…if you don’t count the pee guard (for some reason THAT is fascinating to him).
LOL on child for sale. I always tell mine when they misbehave that I can easily return them to the shop I got them from. As they got older and figured it out, it became a family joke. Now it’s, what shop would that be mom? Why the discount shop on clearance day, of course!!
Rene Says:
Preachin’ to the choir, girlfriend. If I knew then what I know now, I might have asked for a tubal ligation for a college graduation present:twisted:
We are in the midst of potty training (or not, depending who you talk to) and it isn’t fun. My second wasn’t completely potty trained until the week before her third birthday. This gave me one week without changing a diaper or cleaning up a mess. Her sister was born the next week.
Will keep my fingers crossed for your submission. I have a feeling you nailed it and we will be using that silver bucket to chill the champagne.
Robyn Says:
Having hosed my son off several times throughout his early childhood, you can imagine my delight when he hit middle school and discovered girls. And showers and deodorant.
I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you’ll get there.
Just in time for your little darlings to ask “What exactly is French kissing? Is it fun?” :confused:
Tori Says:
Not me, chickadee. I’m grateful for not having kids when I hear stories like this.
Stacy Says:
ROFLMBO!! Oh how I can relate. If someone ever wrote a book entiled “The Real Motherhood” I swear the population growth would come to a halt! I’m on the long road with you at the moment and by the sounds of it we aren’t alone.:help:
And sending “buy it” vibes off to England for you! Good luck!
Melissa Says:
Yay on getting your manuscript to England!!!! :goodvibes::goodvibes::goodvibes:
I’ve thrown away a couple of my daughter’s underwear because I couldn’t bear the thought of cleaning them. EWWWWW….
This mommyhood thing is definitely the hardest job in the world.
Suzanne Says:
Good luck with the submission, Michelle!!!
kacey Says:
hey, good luck with the submission! I’ll hold out good thoughts!!
(man, I am SO glad I’m way past that potty training stage…)
Danica Says:
It must be hose off the seventeen month old day. I didn’t realize our kiddos were the same age. :duh::duh: I don’t yet have the constitution for attempting to train mine yet, but I am thinking of sending her to a nudist colony and letting them deal with her. I’ll even pay them.
Danica Says:
Oh and good luck on the submission!!
Leslie Says:
My first question is: why are you potty training a 17 month old? But EWWWWW all the way around! Glad I’m past that stage. I’ll trade you my 13 year old know-it-all daughter for your 17 month old one. GOOD LUCK on the submission - I’m keeping my fingers crossed!!
Michelle Says:
Caro–no, it’s even better!
I like free postage.
Peggy–good luck on the toilet training! My son was fascinated with the process.
Rene–ooh, champagne sounds fabulous.
Robyn–say it isn’t so!!
Danica–Maybe the nudist colony will give us a discount?
Leslie–we’re not really potty training–we’re just “practicing.” It’s very low key, more of –hey, look what you can do! Her rash was so bad the other day, I needed to air it out a bit, so we went with the cotton training pants just to give her a little breathing room.
Missie Says:
Reading stories like this makes me remember potty training days with my son, who’s now 9, and dread the ones coming up with my daughter, who’s 3 months. My son would go #1 on the potty chair, but would not do a dooty in it to save his life. He would pull back up his pull-up, go into his bedroom, and say, “Yeave me ayone!” Then after much grunting and groaning, would call me in: “Mama, I done!” There was rejoicing in the heavens the day he realized it’s easier and less messy to do it in the chair.
and subliminal thoughts being sent towards England and your manuscript: “buy Michelle’s book…publish Michelle’s book…make Michelle a very rich woman….Wooooooowooooowooooo!”