One fish, two fish…
The other day we took a family “field trip” back to the pet store after our replacement female guppy died within twenty-four hours. I then encountered a young man, who hereafter shall be known as Fish Geek. 
He looked approximately eighteen years old.
In order to get the refund on the fish, they’re supposed to do a water test and find out what caused the fish to die. Now I’m a believer that sometimes fish just kick the bucket. The life span of guppies just isn’t the same as crabgrass (which refuses to die, no matter how much you spray it). I allowed Fish Geek to check the water.
While we waited on the test, he pointed toward another sales associate who was operating a fork lift. “I just love those. Except it makes me nervous when my brother drives one. Of course, I’m faster than him.”
Just test the water, Fish Geek. Spare me your life story. I don’t need your secret Nascar desires to race forklifts :loser:
He clucked his tongue. “Looks like you have some high nitrite levels.” He stares at the ph levels and says, “Got some really nice colors here. The brighter the colors, the worse your water is.” He adds, “Well, you really need to change the water every few days for a while until the levels get lower. How often do you change the tank?”
Never, Fish Geek. I surrendered all tank responsibilities to my darling husband. I have two slobbering, diapered darlings to chase. I refuse to clean fish tanks, too.
“My husband changes the water about once a week.” Please note, that the aforementioned husband is cruising the aisles of the pet store, so as to completely escape the presence of Fish Geek.
“Oh. Well, you really shouldn’t change the water that often. It’s probably stirring up the bacteria at the bottom of the tank. Once every few weeks should be enough.”
Me: “But you just said to change it every few days.” 
Fish Geek: “Oh. Well, just until the nitrite levels get lower.”
Me: “Well, I wanted to get an algae eater for the tank.” (At this moment, my son is whining, “Mommy, I want to go see the birds!”)
Fish Geek: “You won’t be able to add any fish for at least a month. Unless you want them to all die, of course.”
Yes! I am a Fish Serial Killer! Die little fishies, die! 
At this point, I am convinced that Fish Geek is clearly talking out of his nether regions. Time for an escape route. I get him to authorize the refund and I hightail it out of there, grabbing the toddlers, and marching up to the cash register.
Hubby finally finds us and demands, “Why didn’t you get any fish?”
I suppressed the urge to begin cursing in tongues and instead glared at him. :starwars:
Long story short, today I went back a week later and we now have two new guppies and an algae eater. They seem pretty chipper. Hopefully there will be no more flushes for a while.
Michelle posted in Writing @ 8:40 pm | Viewed 1292 times
Bonnie Ferguson Says:
:confused:Oh geez that sounds like an ordeal, Michelle :headspin: Glad that your new fishies seem to be doing well
Peggy Says:
Michelle, we have one lone surviving fish after eight previous have died. And I’m waiting patiently for it to keel over! That sounds awful, I know, but my hubby is the fish lover, not me. When we got the tank full of fish, he promised it would be his responsiblity to clean it. Of course, that never happened. (We went through this once before when we were first married.) So one by one the fish began dying…except for one. So, why am I telling you this? I highly recommend if you’re looking for a fish that won’t make that trip to guppy heaven too soon, you try this one. Now, I’m no expert on names, but it is something shark. Don’t let shark freak you out, it’s just a name. It’s a little blackish/grey fish with a red fin and tail. If hubby were hear, I’d get the official name, but he’s not. Sorry.
kacey Says:
you fish murderer you!!!
I just say no to fish tank cleaning…or dealing with the tanks in anyway. Either the dh deals with them, or they’re outta here. I have enough on my plate! (though I admit, I do love having the tanks and staring at the fish…)
Margery Says:
This is why fish are meant to be on a plate, preferably deep fried and with tartar sauce:thumbsup:
Melissa McClone Says:
Hugs Michelle. Any chance you could just get some plastic fishes and put those in the bowl? No cleaning, no feeding.
Steph T. Says:
Well, you could certainly brand yourself: Michelle Willingham - historical romance author and serial fish killer - I think it has a certain ring to it, don’t you?
Mary Says:
THat’s why I don’t have fish. I’m beginning to believe a cat is easier.
Tori Says:
I think Steph is on to something. ROFL!
Katie Says:
I’m excited about Margery’s idea! Yum!
Danica Says:
LOL @ the fish geek!
Leanna Ellis Says:
Isn’t there a channel on cabel that’s just an aquarium you can watch the fish swimming around? No cleaning needed. That’s my kind of tank.
Amy K. Says:
AHA! Another fish rebel! They told us something along the same lines and we left empty-handed, only to come back a couple days later when our resident fish-geek (who happens to look and act like a surfer…in Kansas) wasn’t working.
HMPH!
Here’s to no flushies!:thumbsup:
Michelle Says:
Steph–I love it! Too funny.
Actually, the aquarium really isn’t that bad since I abdicated all cleaning duties to my husband.
Peggy–The catfish and neons seem to be doing great. I’m afraid if I add a shark type of fish it might eat them? Hard to say.
Peggy Says:
Michelle, got the official name. Rainbow Shark. Hubby says it won’t hurt them, but who knows! All previous eight fish are now dead.