One fish, two fish…

The other day we took a family “field trip” back to the pet store after our replacement female guppy died within twenty-four hours. I then encountered a young man, who hereafter shall be known as Fish Geek. :whistle: He looked approximately eighteen years old.

In order to get the refund on the fish, they’re supposed to do a water test and find out what caused the fish to die. Now I’m a believer that sometimes fish just kick the bucket. The life span of guppies just isn’t the same as crabgrass (which refuses to die, no matter how much you spray it). I allowed Fish Geek to check the water.

While we waited on the test, he pointed toward another sales associate who was operating a fork lift. “I just love those. Except it makes me nervous when my brother drives one. Of course, I’m faster than him.”

Just test the water, Fish Geek. Spare me your life story. I don’t need your secret Nascar desires to race forklifts :loser:

He clucked his tongue. “Looks like you have some high nitrite levels.” He stares at the ph levels and says, “Got some really nice colors here. The brighter the colors, the worse your water is.” He adds, “Well, you really need to change the water every few days for a while until the levels get lower. How often do you change the tank?”

Never, Fish Geek. I surrendered all tank responsibilities to my darling husband. I have two slobbering, diapered darlings to chase. I refuse to clean fish tanks, too.

“My husband changes the water about once a week.” Please note, that the aforementioned husband is cruising the aisles of the pet store, so as to completely escape the presence of Fish Geek.

“Oh. Well, you really shouldn’t change the water that often. It’s probably stirring up the bacteria at the bottom of the tank. Once every few weeks should be enough.”

Me: “But you just said to change it every few days.” :duh:

Fish Geek: “Oh. Well, just until the nitrite levels get lower.”

Me: “Well, I wanted to get an algae eater for the tank.” (At this moment, my son is whining, “Mommy, I want to go see the birds!”)

Fish Geek: “You won’t be able to add any fish for at least a month. Unless you want them to all die, of course.”

Yes! I am a Fish Serial Killer! Die little fishies, die! :shark:

At this point, I am convinced that Fish Geek is clearly talking out of his nether regions. Time for an escape route. I get him to authorize the refund and I hightail it out of there, grabbing the toddlers, and marching up to the cash register.

Hubby finally finds us and demands, “Why didn’t you get any fish?”

I suppressed the urge to begin cursing in tongues and instead glared at him. :starwars:

Long story short, today I went back a week later and we now have two new guppies and an algae eater. They seem pretty chipper. Hopefully there will be no more flushes for a while.