Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

The scene: A parent conference. Mom is armed with a vicious temper. Dad is breathing air and looking comatose. The teachers are gathered.

Me: Thanks for coming. I’d like to discuss Bob**(Names have been changed to protect the guilty)’s behavior in class. (Translation–your son is a homicidal maniac in the making :rambo:)
Mom: I’d like to discuss why Mrs. X wouldn’t let Bob call me on Friday. When he finally did call, he was crying so hard he could hardly breathe.
Mrs. X: Who let him use the phone?
Mom: See? That’s exactly what I mean. You won’t let him call me when he’s upset. I’m his mother, and by God, he has the right to call me any time he wants.
Mrs. X: Not in the middle of math, he doesn’t.
Mom: Yes, he does! See, you’re always yelling at him, always picking on him.
Me: Could we get back to discussing a solution for Bob’s behavior?
Mom: No. I didn’t want to meet with the other teachers. Just her. The problem’s with her.
(Mom goes on to rant about how no one understand her little homicidal maniac. Yes, of course he lies. He lies all the time at home. She talks to him about this.)
Me: What do you think would help Bob to focus better in class and avoid distractions?
Mom: I fought for our country. People were dying all around me. I don’t worry about the little details. I look at the bigger picture. Bob is like me. He sees the bigger picture of what’s really happening. Have you noticed that he never calls other kids names?
***At this point, I’m ready to start screaming, Moron! That’s what parenting is! The little details! When Bob screws up, you nail his butt to the wall! You don’t ignore it. He lies to you because he wants your attention! He never calls the other kids names because he’s too busy stealing their stuff and hacking up loogies in the trash. And what the heck does fighting for your country have to do with your kid’s behavior???***
Me: I’ve noticed. Now about the dance the other night–
Mom: Yes, I know he was on social probation and wasn’t allowed to go. That’s why I dropped him off. So he’d be embarrassed in front of the other kids and would have to be sent home.
Me: Why would you inconvenience administrators and teachers like that? He had to wait in the principal’s office while they tried to call you.
Mom: Yes, and I came to pick him up right away. I was waiting outside.
Me: A woman claiming to be his aunt picked him up.
Mom: Yes, it was his aunt.
**Me, thinking, okay, now…apparently lying runs in the family….**
Dad: (stares and breathes. Says nothing.)

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why teachers aren’t paid enough.:banghead:

Historic trivia: Early motte and bailey wooden castles were often painted white (whitewashed) to make it appear like stone from a distance. This would often discourage enemies from attacking.